Relapse is feeling hopeless, alone and ready to give up. It is the feeling that we are destined to be alone, a spinster that feeling you get in a tunnel without any light at the end of it. Darren felt a big void in his life. He felt alone. He felt like he was never going to find love. I am starting to sound like my therapist!!! I told him he was young. I told him what Todd had told me earlier at lunch. Gay men find love after 35. Was it true? Was Todd right? He was ready to give up on love and then he found Will. And he found real love. His friends had also found love later in life, in their 40s and even 50s.

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I am a big fan of history and historical documents. You can predict the future by knowing the past. Somehow we always seem to repeat history. We make the same mistakes our parents made and they made the same mistakes their parents made. The men interviewed in the documentary spoke of the free love, sex and drugs without any consequences or restrictions. But a few started to realise the destructive side of this type of behaviour. Unfortunately, for many it was too late. One chilling account documents a couple who went to a glamorous party in New York in 1975. The party was full of young and hot gay men. It soon dawned on this gay couple that the party was shaping up to be the orgy of the year. The couple decided not to partake in the orgy as they had a monogomous relationship. In a four years, all the men who had attended the orgy had all died of AIDS, except the couple.

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My group of single friends mirrors a support group for recovering alcoholics. We like to think of ourselves as Singles Anonymous. We support each other when we are down; we share horror date stories, our cynicism about men, our neurotic attitudes towards dating and our hope in finding a boyfriend. They say that love is a drug…but maybe it is men who are the drugs! Last night, I got a text from Darren, one of my single friends. He had had a typical Sydney gay weekend and was feeling a bit down and empty. He was in what I like to call in AA terminology…dating relapse.

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I told Darren what Todd told me. Focus on the positives of life. Focus on dating you. Let love happen by chance, not by internet? It seems a lot of singles are taking dating sabbaticals and even coming to accept their single lifestyle. In America, Pottery Barn (Freedom in Australia) and other home ware stores report that singles are signing up for housewarming and birthday registries, deciding that not only married people should get that pasta maker or Italian vase! The American Association for Single People convinced governors in five US states to declare Unmarried and Single Americans Week in September. So singles can have their own holiday week! So Darren…hang in there. We’re here to help you get back on the wagon. Isn’t that what they say at AA? I’m the Single Guy. And I’m on detox….

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I told Darren he would probably find love when he least expected and when he was not looking. Well..that is what they say. I have not been looking for five years and I have not found anything…except for a fulfilling hobby…my blog. It was also clear that not only was Darren in dating relapse but he was also suffering from dating burnout. Too many bad dates, too many lies, too many games, too much casual sex. The signs were clear. He needed to detox.

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